School

I don't know who is more nervous, me or J.

I am used to getting the back to school jitters. I am not used to getting her back to school jitters.

At least I know what my school looks like, I know where everything in the classroom is. I know all the kids and all the staff. I know what my day will look like because I get to decide the schedule. I know what I am getting into.

She knows nothing. Her school is brand new, we have seen the building, but that's it. Her teacher is brand new, I think I know his name but I am not sure. Her daycare is brand new. We have visited once, but that hardly gets you ready to spend a full day every day there.

I am not sure I will be ok with this. I am not sure that I will be ok with someone else walking her to school. I am not sure if I will be ok not being able to picture her in her classroom, what her teacher looks like. I am not sure I will be ok not being there to read all of her signals that I know so well.

The stoic face, the rigid stance, the little hands tight at her side. The way her lip curls a bit when she is really nervous but trying to be brave.

I have to be at someone else's first day of school. I want to be at hers.