Sunday, August 23, 2009

When Did That Happen?

When you hold a new born baby they worm their little hands around until they find some skin, even just a tiny bit of it, that they can press their palm to. They are calmed and feel whole again.

My girls seem to view my body as an extension of their own. And it is, that is how they started. One body became two, and then was one plus one.

Cait still holds onto me like we are part of the same being. Jill doesn't.

When did that happen?

When did she start to realize that we are not pieces of the same whole? When did she start to see that she was whole unto herself?

I know that it is just an illusion that we are separating. Lacan made a name for himself trying to explain how we are all fooled.

So why does it make me feel so sad when I notice it? Why do I find myself in search of Ojbet Petit a?

My pride at her growing up always seems to have the flip side of mourning the passing of what was.

I love the age she is, but I miss the age she was.

I haven't started this journey with Cait yet, but I know it is coming.

Good thing they are such great kids and get more amazing each day!

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